Sorry for these jaded entries. Not sure what exactly spurred all these doubts and troubles, especially since I'm looking forward to training for my new job as a swimming instructor. In light of all these things I've been troubled about, I took time today to do some reading and thought: God the Father; turns out… Continue reading rainbow

Journal, Spirituality

His tears

Following the other day’s upset, I’d fallen harder than I have in a while. It felt so hopeless, and dark. Everywhere I looked seemed gray. I asked God, “What do you want from me?“ He replied, “For you to trust Me.” There’s one Christian song I have to listen in low moments like this. Right… Continue reading His tears


crabs have claws

Abuse really does so much harm to one’s ability to see reality. I realized it again when I made that mistake, memories of mistakes leading to severe emotional abuse and grudges (leading to more emotional abuse for those things I said sorry for) flooding my mind. This is true for the immediate as well as… Continue reading crabs have claws


chains III

...I wrote something the other day that was very raw and in the moment. I'm debating whether or not I should use this to replace it, since I cover that whole thing in greater detail here. Probably won't; that has value, too. Maybe it'll be a stronger deterrent from suicide than this will be. Last week, when… Continue reading chains III