Journal, Recovery

flowerless flower

There was one day where my friend was telling me how great a person I was, and I just about begged him to stop. I’d get and give compliments in passing all the time, but to be earnestly told, eyes met, that I’m a good thing in this world makes something in me very uncomfortable.… Continue reading flowerless flower

Journal, Recovery

body & soul II

I recently had a small case of heat stress. These newer workstations aren't very well-equipped against the heat, even with the added shades. As the days get hotter, general workplace anxiety has been going up with the temperature. It was like last year when we learned about this fact the hard way, where I got… Continue reading body & soul II

Abuse, Journal

mystery to myself

People seem to have a mixed reaction to my memory being incomplete. Some say that’s a good thing. Others say I should recover everything to truly heal. I used to believe the latter to be true. Now I’m not sure how I feel. For whatever reason, I tried to recall my parents’ faces again today.… Continue reading mystery to myself

Journal, Recovery, Spirituality

faith & love

I was very reluctant to go to Mass today. I almost stayed home, and without as good a reason as last Sunday. When I came to the church, sat down, my mind wandered. I read the readings, heard the homily, but didn't really take in whatever was said. I just ended up feeling like garbage… Continue reading faith & love



A/N: talking openly about suicidal thoughts've been warned. When you type in something along the lines of “painless suicide” into google, those first pages of results are going to be links to suicide-prevention services, hotlines, sites dedicated to talking you out of it. The most common advice they give is 1) wait, and 2) talk… Continue reading lifeline


diving deeper

In hopes of growing more in wonder and affection for the ocean (and life itself), I’ve been watching a documentary called Fishpeople. It follows people from all over living, playing, and working in the water.  The first story follows a young woman and her father who would dive and fish together. Amidst the mesmerizing footage… Continue reading diving deeper