Abuse, Spirituality

holy family II

There are certain days on the liturgical calendar that makes me feel very apart from (and almost unwelcome) in the Church. One of them is today, the Feast of the Holy Family. The first reading detailed the requirements of the Old Testament of being a good son/daughter; to always honor and obey your parents, and… Continue reading holy family II

Journal, Recovery

fault vs responsibility

I only felt anger towards the man whose car crushed my fingers once. Just once. It was when it finally hit me that I’m injured, that I'm facing a long and potentially arduous recovery because of his failure to make sure his car was parked. In that angry moment, I thought of something people around… Continue reading fault vs responsibility


healing with memories

Remember when I said living with PTSD is like living as a time traveler? Well...what if I said I gained a little control over that power? Since the accident, I’d had a lot of anxiety being in the booth where it happened. My bloodstains were still there on the floor. The window frame is still… Continue reading healing with memories

Abuse, Journal, Recovery

to monsignor

A/N: ...I didn’t think I’d be writing this. I didn't think I'd ever want to write something like for him, yet here we are. While I didn't censor out my uncle's name in his letter, I will censor his name; he's well-known and well-loved even postmortem, and I really don't like the idea of facing… Continue reading to monsignor

Abuse, Recovery

cowardice & narcissism

In Britain, a white feather was used to mark a coward who failed and/or refused to serve the country. It was a gift of disgrace, earning the recipient everyone's ill opinion. This comes as a bit of a culture shock for me, having always associated white feathers with angels, beings of pure light, strength, and… Continue reading cowardice & narcissism

Abuse, Journal

disloyalty bind

I remember the first time my dad ever expressed jealousy towards someone else in my life. Sure, my mother did it all the time, openly and loudly, making me out to be some traitorous whore for connecting with someone outside the family. My dad didn’t, and when he finally did, it was very subtle. All… Continue reading disloyalty bind

Journal, Recovery, Spirituality

good shepherd II

I did something today I didn't think I'd ever do. It all came up because I was thinking of how people have helped me out of my abuse. With these nightmares I have about my family (this last one being about my big brother and my sister forcibly taking me back with them), I thought… Continue reading good shepherd II

Journal, Recovery

flowerless flower

There was one day where my friend was telling me how great a person I was, and I just about begged him to stop. I’d get and give compliments in passing all the time, but to be earnestly told, eyes met, that I’m a good thing in this world makes something in me very uncomfortable.… Continue reading flowerless flower