Sorry for these jaded entries. Not sure what exactly spurred all these doubts and troubles, especially since I'm looking forward to training for my new job as a swimming instructor. In light of all these things I've been troubled about, I took time today to do some reading and thought: God the Father; turns out… Continue reading rainbow

Journal, Spirituality


A/N: I was going to write about my sister telling me that our mother is in the hospital, but I want to talk about this instead. Those feelings don't feel very coherent, while these do. I wrote that, in my experience, fathers either leave or turn bad (or both). In the Catholic Church at least (not… Continue reading foster

Art Therapy


The original draft of this piece was a comment on how some cases of child abuse get erased or ignored in favor of cases that are of a "high percentage", furthers someone's agenda, or are just plain unsightly. In light of #MeToo, I switched gears a little bit. The words here are only a scratch… Continue reading unsightly


forgiving god

A/N: The line between "study" and "journal" is somewhat blurred here. I'm unsure where to put it as of now. I might edit out the overly emotional parts (i.e. the angry part) if need be, or replace this with a less emotional thought study. I'd appreciate any feedback on what I should do. I could… Continue reading forgiving god

Abuse, Recovery

re: trauma

If I were to sum up "trauma" in a word...I'd say "life-altering" is a pretty good one to use. It's something that causes great harm in whatever way the abuse entails, and maybe the worst harm is the harm done to the victim's perspective of reality. When I was growing up, I understood "trauma" from… Continue reading re: trauma


chains III

...I wrote something the other day that was very raw and in the moment. I'm debating whether or not I should use this to replace it, since I cover that whole thing in greater detail here. Probably won't; that has value, too. Maybe it'll be a stronger deterrent from suicide than this will be. Last week, when… Continue reading chains III


chains II

There was something that's been sticking in my mind from my last entry, that slip about how the Fourth Commandment ("honor thy parents") felt like a shackle. I made that comment before when I described the spiritual/religious abuse I suffered. I want to talk a little more about those spiritual shackles today, as I'm fairly… Continue reading chains II