Journal, Recovery

lightening the load

While it hasn’t been the worst week I’ve ever had, it hasn’t exactly been the best week, either. I had to take my car to the shop to be fixed and pay a hefty fee. I had to pay another hefty fee regarding a misunderstanding with my last place. Like other furloughed workers, I didn’t… Continue reading lightening the load

Culture, Recovery, Spirituality

love & peace

Not long ago, I was having a really bad panic attack at work. It was a crazy busy day, but my friend closed my lane, staying with me until I was okay to work again. I looked up at the traffic flooding into my coworker’s lane, and felt a familiar guilt. He told me not… Continue reading love & peace

Journal, Recovery

fault vs responsibility

I only felt anger towards the man whose car crushed my fingers once. Just once. It was when it finally hit me that I’m injured, that I'm facing a long and potentially arduous recovery because of his failure to make sure his car was parked. In that angry moment, I thought of something people around… Continue reading fault vs responsibility

Recovery

healing with memories

Remember when I said living with PTSD is like living as a time traveler? Well...what if I said I gained a little control over that power? Since the accident, I’d had a lot of anxiety being in the booth where it happened. My bloodstains were still there on the floor. The window frame is still… Continue reading healing with memories

Journal, Recovery

remembering one’s strength

It's a very humbling and empowering thing to remember one's strength, especially when it comes in the face of a loved one's weakness. It makes you reevaluate what you thought of yourself, of other people, and of the world. When we talked a bit about boundaries, unsure of where we're going together, I felt like… Continue reading remembering one’s strength

Culture, Journal, Recovery

proper perspective

So many things have been on my mind this past week, following my reporting that incident at work. I went to my boss together with my friend, and I was reminded of how this is the third time I’d made a report like this. 3 times in over 5 years, with many unreported incidents in… Continue reading proper perspective

Culture, Journal, Recovery

unhealthy expectations

Beverly Engel said it so well when she wrote, “As a victim of childhood abuse, you no doubt experienced horrendous pain and suffering at the hands of your parents and other adults. Yet you not only won’t allow yourself to acknowledge your suffering, but expect yourself to walk away from the abuse unscathed - to… Continue reading unhealthy expectations