security blanket


Like a lot of folks, Peanuts was a better part of my childhood. My cousin would like to call me either Peppermint Patty (for my then tomboyish nature), or Suzy (for my curly/wavy “blonde” hair). Her Peanuts nickname was Lucy (black-haired and mean assertive). My favorite character, though, is Linus, with his quiet wisdom and his blue “security blanket.”

I didn’t have a blankey growing up, but I realized today that I did have a sort of “blanket = safety” mentality.

I remember when I was very little, shortly after the kindergarten abuse, I’d use the long scratchy wash-cloths in the shower to cover myself so I didn’t have to be completely naked as I bathed. I’d always sleep with a blanket or even just a sheet, no matter how hot it is; if I try to sleep without something covering me, I feel very vulnerable and exposed.

Then, as a teen, and even now as an adult, I’d wear any jacket or coat with a hood year ’round; girl’s clothes rarely have pockets, and I thought hoods were cool and mysterious (like Franciscans…or Jedi #notsorry), but really, it just feels very comforting and safe to be able to hide under a hood. Sometimes I treat my prayer veil the same way, and heck, maybe that’s another reason why I like the draping/concealing effect skirts and dresses have. It gets even better when I realize, since I almost always wear blue, I really did follow after Linus’ example; icing on the cake right there!

It’s both funny and fascinating. I wonder what other kinds of security blankets I have in my life.

I wish it was also funny or fascinating, how I discovered this detail about myself: I just had a pretty bad anxiety attack earlier (more on that in another entry), and while I was trying to calm down, I found it effective to just turn on pretty piano music, and hug my blue hoodie. I’m still hugging it, remembering Taffy at home. I probably will be giving him a hug when I get home, too.

I remember this one time when Lucy was giving Linus a hard time, asking him what he was going to do about “that old blanket” when he grew up. Linus said, in that cheerful, sensible way, that he was going to keep it, though as a scarf or a tie, or just something a man would wear.

Lucy groaned, the other kids probably laughed, but me…I think it’s pretty sound advice.

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